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Steps to Take If You Want to Tune Into What You Want In A Relationship

Relationships are exciting, adventurous, and can give you a different kind of purpose in life.

That being said, tuning into what you truly want in a relationship isn’t something that always comes easy. It’s a unique process that’s personal to you and you alone.

In order to reach that point, it will require some effort and maintenance along the way. Here are steps you can take to help find clarity. 

Get Acquainted with Yourself

Man Wearing Red Sweatshirt and Black Pants Leaning on the Wall

You’ve spent your entire life in your body, but how good of a relationship do you have with yourself? A good place to start is doing some self-reflection. Assess where you’re at in your current situation. It may have been a while since you took a dive into your own thoughts and feelings. 

Look at any past relationships, focusing on what went well and what didn’t. Do you see any trends, whether positive or negative, in your own behavior? This is helpful information for future use. 

Think about yourself going forward. What do you value in life? What are your dreams and desires? Where do you see yourself being in the next six months, year, or even five years? That may seem like the stereotypical question for teens, but it is applicable at many stages of life, especially when you’re evaluating relationships.

Set Your Non-Negotiables

When you’re looking to enter into a partnership with another person (or move forwand with an existing relationship), it’s important to have boundaries and feel comfortable enforcing them. Compromise is a normal, healthy component, but there will inevitably be matters which you don’t want to compromise on. 

Reasons for setting non-negotiable boundaries are intimacy, personal space, communication, physical and emotional safety, respect, and conflict resolution. Boundaries fall into various categories, including physical, emotional, financial, communication, and quality time. 

Establish What Your Red Flags Are

Red flag behaviors are common talk in the dating world. There are general ones that would be alarming to anyone, and then also ones that are personal to you and your values. 

Without any person in mind, establish a list of behaviors that you would consider to be red flag or alarming behaviors. When entering into a relationship, keep these in mind while you’re getting to know someone. It becomes more difficult to see them come as clearly when you’re in the relationship because you’re blinded by all the good. Having this pre-established list helps keep you aligned with what you truly want tied to your life and potential relationships.

Evaluate Your Communication Skills

Communication is a key foundational building block in any relationship. If you’re someone who feels comfortable expressing their needs, wants, and desires, you’re on the right track. If this is something you’re not fully comfortable with, now is a time to practice. 

For any relationship to thrive, openness and honesty will guide you and strengthen your bond with your partner. This practice will ensure you’re moving in the right direction, remaining aligned in your values, and fostering deeper intimacy.

Equally important is the ability to listen actively. Assess your listening skills so your partner also feels validated and receives the same treatment you want. 

Set an Intention 

The perfect person doesn’t exist, but you may find a person who is perfect for you. The goal isn’t to go looking for someone who checks all the boxes on a list, but it is helpful to have ideas of what you want. 

Picture what your type of person you’d like to end up with. Visualize where you see a relationship going. Imagine what kind of partnership you want to be a part of. Set intentions for yourself and use those as goals to help you in your journey.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, contact us for couples therapy to explore your relationship journey deeper. 




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