We all have emotions—but sometimes, it can feel like our emotions have us. Whether it’s snapping during a stressful conversation, spiraling into anxiety, or letting someone’s comment ruin your whole day, learning how to control your emotions is one of the most powerful skills you can develop for your mental well-being.
In this post, we’ll explore what it really means to regulate your emotions, answer common questions about emotional control, and offer practical tools to help you regain balance—even during your most triggered moments.
How Do I Control My Emotions?
The truth is: controlling your emotions doesn’t mean suppressing them. It means understanding your emotional responses, learning how to interpret them, and then responding in a way that aligns with your values—not your impulses.
Step 1: Identify the Emotion
Start by naming what you’re feeling. Are you angry, embarrassed, overwhelmed, rejected, or disappointed? Labeling your emotions helps to activate the thinking part of your brain and calm your nervous system.
Tip: The Ultimate Guide to Understanding Your Feelings by MindWell NYC offers a helpful breakdown of how to recognize emotions in the body and what different feelings are trying to tell you.
Step 2: Pause and Breathe
Even just a few seconds of conscious breathing can help you pause between feeling and reacting. It gives you a chance to choose your response rather than defaulting to knee-jerk behavior.
Try this simple technique:
- Inhale for 4 counts
- Hold for 4 counts
- Exhale for 6 counts
Repeat a few times until your body begins to relax.
Step 3: Ask, “What’s Underneath This?”
Often, our most intense emotions are secondary. For example, anger may be covering hurt, fear, or shame. If you can recognize what’s beneath the surface, you’re better equipped to meet your true need.
Step 4: Respond, Don’t React
Once you’ve paused, named, and explored your emotion, you’re more likely to respond with intention. You might still need to set a boundary or express yourself—but it’ll come from a grounded place rather than from emotional overflow.
How Do I Stop Being Emotionally Explosive?
If you find yourself lashing out, yelling, or breaking down easily, you’re not alone. Emotional explosiveness often stems from chronic stress, unprocessed trauma, or lack of emotional regulation skills.
In a candid Reddit discussion, many users shared their go-to tips for managing emotions. One popular approach? Physical regulation first—whether it’s going for a walk, screaming into a pillow, or doing something repetitive like cleaning or stretching to discharge emotional energy.
4 Strategies to Curb Explosive Emotions:
1. Track Your Triggers
Keep a journal or note app where you jot down situations that lead to emotional outbursts. Are you always overwhelmed after work? Do certain people or topics set you off?
2. Use “Cooling Off” Techniques
Take a time-out. Say, “I need a moment to collect myself,” and step away. Put your hands in cold water, hold ice packs to your cheeks for 30 seconds, or do deep breathing to calm your nervous system quickly.
3. Practice Grounding
In a moment of escalation, try this:
- Name 5 things you can see
- 4 things you can touch
- 3 things you can hear
- 2 things you can smell
- 1 thing you can taste
Grounding pulls your mind back to the present, which is especially helpful if your emotions are based in past trauma or future fear.
4. Reflect and Repair
After an outburst, reflect on what happened and (if appropriate) circle back with the person involved. Owning your emotions and expressing remorse helps rebuild trust and gives you a chance to practice different behavior next time.
How Do I Stop Letting Others Affect Me?
If you’re often at the mercy of other people’s moods, comments, or approval, you might be dealing with emotional enmeshment or poor boundaries. It’s common to absorb other people’s emotions—especially if you’re empathetic—but it doesn’t have to rule your inner life.
Tips to Maintain Emotional Independence:
1. Define Where You End and They Begin
One of the most important lessons in emotional regulation is this: other people’s feelings are not your responsibility. You can care without carrying.
Use the mantra: “Their emotions are not mine to fix.”
2. Build Internal Validation
Instead of relying on praise, likes, or approval from others to feel okay, work on building a strong internal voice. Ask yourself:
- “Do I like how I handled that?”
- “Was I aligned with my values?”
- “What do I think—not just what do they think?”
3. Respond, Don’t Absorb
Someone else’s bad mood doesn’t have to become your bad day. If someone is rude, try saying:
“I’m noticing that I’m taking this personally, but their reaction says more about them than me.”
4. Set Boundaries—Even Mentally
Sometimes, we can’t physically remove ourselves from stressful people. But we can mentally set boundaries by detaching emotionally, using visualization (e.g., imagining a shield around you), or keeping conversations neutral and brief.
How Do I Emotionally Regulate Myself?
Emotional regulation is your ability to monitor, evaluate, and modify emotional reactions in a way that’s socially acceptable and helps you achieve your goals.
Signs of Healthy Emotional Regulation:
- You can tolerate discomfort without reacting impulsively.
- You can express feelings without blaming or attacking.
- You can soothe yourself when upset.
- You’re aware of your emotions without being ruled by them.
Long-Term Practices to Build Emotional Regulation:
Mindfulness Meditation
Mindfulness teaches you to observe emotions without judgment. Regular practice helps you slow down reactivity and stay grounded in the present.
Journaling
Writing down your feelings helps you process them and identify patterns. Try prompts like:
- “What am I feeling right now?”
- “What triggered this feeling?”
- “What do I need right now?”
Physical Activity
Emotions live in the body. Moving regularly (even short walks or stretches) helps prevent emotional overload and improves mood stability.
Therapy or Coaching
Working with a mental health professional can help you develop self-awareness, learn coping skills, and heal past wounds that make regulation difficult.
If you’re looking for a starting place, the MindWell NYC Guide to Understanding Emotions is a helpful resource to explore how emotional awareness leads to regulation.
Final Thoughts: You’re Not “Too Emotional”—You’re Human
Learning how to control your emotions doesn’t mean you’ll never get upset, overwhelmed, or reactive again. It means you’ll have tools to respond with intention instead of reacting on autopilot. You’ll feel more in control of your life, more secure in yourself, and more compassionate toward others.
It’s okay if it takes time. Emotions aren’t meant to be eliminated—they’re meant to be understood. And with the right practices, you’ll learn to ride the waves of emotion without letting them drown you.
