We all have those moments—the ones where your heart’s racing, your thoughts are spiraling, and you feel like you’re one text message, one spilled cup of coffee, or one more “Mom, where are my socks?!” away from a total meltdown.
The truth is, being human comes with a whole spectrum of emotions. Some days are smooth sailing, and others feel like an emotional rollercoaster with no seatbelt. That’s where emotional regulation comes in—and where DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) skills can make a real difference.
You don’t have to be in therapy to benefit from DBT.
DBT tools were initially developed by Marsha Linehan PhD and made for real-life people with real-life emotions, and using them in your everyday life can help you feel more balanced, more grounded, and more in control—even when things feel messy.
Let’s unpack what emotional regulation really means, how DBT helps, and how to start using these tools right now (yes, even if your brain feels like spaghetti today).
What Is Emotion Regulation?
Emotion regulation is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your emotions—without stuffing them down, lashing out, or feeling like you’re being run over by them.
It’s not about not feeling things. It’s about learning how to respond to your emotions instead of reacting impulsively or feeling totally hijacked by them.
So instead of spiraling into self-criticism when you make a mistake, emotion regulation helps you say, “Oof. That stung. I’m allowed to be upset, but I’m also allowed to give myself grace.”
It’s being able to pause when you’re angry, soothe yourself when you’re anxious, and ride the wave when emotions feel big. And let’s be honest—that’s a life skill we could all use more of.
How to Emotionally Regulate Yourself?
Here’s the million-dollar question: when emotions hit hard, how do you actually regulate them?
DBT gives us a whole toolkit for this—skills that are practical, teachable, and doable even when your brain feels like it’s running on low battery.
Let’s explore a few DBT strategies that support emotional regulation in everyday life:
1. Name the Emotion
Sounds simple, but it’s powerful. Say it out loud or write it down: “I’m feeling anxious.” “I’m feeling disappointed.” Just naming the emotion gives it less power and brings it into your awareness.
2. Use the ‘PLEASE’ Skill
In DBT, “PLEASE” is an acronym that helps with emotion regulation by addressing basic physical needs:
- Treat Physical illness
- Balanced Eating
- Avoiding mood-altering substances
- Balanced Sleep
- Exercise
If your body is out of balance, your emotions will be too. Start with the basics.
3. Practice Opposite Action
Feeling anxious but want to isolate? Try doing the opposite—call a friend or go for a walk. Sad and want to crawl under a blanket all day? Try putting on uplifting music or stepping outside for five minutes. It’s not about denying your feelings—it’s about gently nudging yourself in the direction of regulation.
4. Use the STOP Skill
Another DBT favorite. STOP stands for:
- Stop
- Take a step back
- Observe
- Proceed mindfully
This is your go-to tool for pausing during an emotional moment instead of reacting impulsively. Take a breath, zoom out, and respond with intention.
5. Build Mastery
Do one small thing each day that makes you feel capable—make your bed, send an email, fold that laundry. Building confidence in little ways supports emotional regulation over time.
What Triggers Emotion Dysregulation?
Before we can regulate emotions, it helps to understand what’s throwing us off in the first place.
Emotion dysregulation happens when we feel so overwhelmed by our emotions that we can’t think clearly, respond effectively, or stay grounded in the moment. It’s like our nervous system goes into overdrive.
Common triggers include:
- Stress or exhaustion (hello, parenting, deadlines, and sleepless nights)
- Unmet needs (like hunger, loneliness, or lack of support)
- Unprocessed trauma or painful memories
- Big transitions (moving, loss, breakups, career changes)
- Feeling invalidated (when someone dismisses your feelings or experience)
- Perfectionism or unrealistic expectations
The more we understand what sets off our emotional alarm bells, the more empowered we are to respond with emotional regulation strategies instead of falling into patterns that don’t serve us.
What Is the Difference Between Coping Skills and Emotion Regulation?
This is a great question—and an important distinction.
Coping skills are the actions you take to manage stress, anxiety, or big feelings in the moment. They’re part of your emotional regulation toolkit, but they’re not the whole story.
For example:
- Taking deep breaths when you’re anxious = coping skill
- Journaling your feelings = coping skill
- Watching a funny show to lift your mood = coping skill
Emotional regulation, on the other hand, is the broader ability to understand, manage, and work with your emotions in a sustainable way. It’s about building emotional resilience over time.
So while coping skills help in the moment, emotional regulation is what allows you to ride the waves of life without constantly feeling tossed around.
They go hand-in-hand. You use coping skills to practice emotion regulation. Over time, the more you practice, the stronger your regulation muscle becomes.
DBT Skills Are Life Skills—And You Can Start Anytime
Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, burnout, family stress, or just the regular emotional rollercoaster of being a human, DBT skills offer a roadmap. They don’t promise to erase hard emotions—but they do teach you how to handle those emotions without losing yourself in them.
And the best part? You don’t need to be in crisis to start.
Start small. Pick one skill. Practice it when things are calm, so you can reach for it more easily when things get rocky. It’s just like learning to swim—you don’t wait until you’re drowning to figure it out.
Emotion regulation isn’t about becoming unshakable. It’s about knowing how to come back to yourself, over and over again.
Final Thoughts: You Can Feel Deeply and Still Stay Grounded
Big feelings don’t make you weak—they make you human. And learning to regulate those big feelings doesn’t mean shutting them down—it means moving through them with grace, skill, and self-awareness.
So whether you’re dealing with a meltdown (yours or someone else’s), managing overwhelm, or just trying to not cry in the school drop-off line—know this:
You can build emotional regulation. You can feel more grounded. You can meet your emotions with curiosity instead of fear.
And the more you practice, the easier it becomes.
So take a breath. Try a skill. You don’t need to be perfect—you just need to begin.
You’ve got this. One deep breath, one skill, one beautifully regulated emotion at a time.
